Happy Birthday to me!
I have been battling a horrific flu for 5 days, and thus my birthday party was not as gloriously debauched as I had hoped, but I drank too much for someone with an illness and stayed up too late and wore Hogwarts robes, so I did my best.
Laying around the last three days has given me too much time to think about what I’ve done with 26 years on the planet and what I thought I would be doing at this point when I was 16. Also to let it sink in that when my mother was my age she was already a month pregnant with me.
I want to travel more, like everyone says. I just don’t know how the fuck to do it on $14/hr and in as much debt as I am. I also want to make theater happen, but in this area it’s damn near impossible without a car. Also, excuses and reasons.
So I’m in a profound funk. Partly being cooped up. Partly being sick. Partly being older and also younger than I have ever or will ever be. Also wishing I had some people around who wanted to mount a production of Stop Kiss from inside my apartment. I mean, you could really do it. Or produce “Little MIss Sunshine” as a stage show. Or just do “The Baltimore Waltz” in the park.
Or fuck, just some people to do readings with of new plays in my living room every couple of weeks. I’m tired of that happening in all those northern cities I used to inhabit and not happening here.
I’ve just never been much of a catalyst, really.