Riding home from work today in “the VIP section of the MAX” reading The Princess Bride and listening to Read: Interpreting Bjork while eavesdropping on some kids talking about D&D and Zombies gave me one of those breathtaking moments of “this is who I am, I am completely me at this moment.” It was wildly refreshing.
Decided on the ride home to spend the night at home as opposed to out or with Boyfriend, which also felt very self affirming. Beers and rum and sewing and ukulele are all a part of this brilliant plot.
Saw a girl on my second train who was wearing almost exactly what I was, but all of it 2 steps nicer or fancier. Nice untorn jeans, fancy leather boots, dark blue clearly vintage pea coat, even a fancier version of my phone. To top it all off, she was carrying a bag from LUSH to counterpart my B&BW bag (full of work clothes as I had changed there.) For a moment this threw me, sort of knocked in to my head what I used to think I ought to be. This girl was clearly going home to some impeccably decorated yet snuggly kitsch house with her quiet flute playing roommate to watch her favorite french film while making organic homemade pasta. I looked down at my pink paisley tights screaming through the large hole in the knee of my jeans and tapped my toe to the beat (Human Behavior- The Decemberists) in my thrashed paisley rain boots. The feeling passed.
Self discovery is not for the weak stomached but is rife with rewards.